Laziness and Lamborghinis

Sometimes I wonder if being so... trying to find a better way to say it than "not serious"... relaxed? carefree? irresponsible? that was harsh... I think not serious is the best way to say it. Sometimes I wonder whether being so not serious is a good thing or a bad thing. Oftentimes I look at my more serious friends and I think to myself, "Man, I'm glad I'm not like that." Now these are my friends, so I'm glad they're like that. It works for them. I just don't think I could do it--which is probably why I don't. In fact, sometimes I think my friends are glad I'm not like that too.

I'm not completely un-serious. I get pretty serious about some things, just not everything, and arguably not enough things. Maybe. Now I'm being really indecisive. That's not really like me. Maybe it's because it's late. Maybe it's because my style of writing is such that I just type whatever thoughts I'm having without really having much direction or revision. Maybe that's what my life is like. Wow. That was profound and meaningful. Worrying about the future and dwelling on the past just slows you down. Maybe carefree was a good way to describe it. No. Not true. I care about a lot of things. I want to have a family eventually. I'd like to not be a lonely old bachelor forever, destined to sit on a rocking chair on my front porch chewing sunflower seeds while cradling a shotgun in my lap and yelling at children who are happier than me. Man. That was kind of depressing. I don't even like chewing sunflower seeds.

I think having money would be fun too. Then again, who doesn't? Not that I'd be willing to sell my soul for it. It'd just be nice. Working in the car biz really beat that out of me--that super strong desire and ambition of being super rich. I'm not sure I want that anymore after seeing what it does to so many people who get it--to one degree or another. Maybe that's just because they were all rich car guys and car guys are... well... some are good. Some.

If I stopped thinking would I stop typing? My fingers are on autopilot now, just typing whatever I'm thinking. Scary. Weird. Tired. Yeah, that last one was about me. Maybe some of the others apply too. Oh well.

They say that when you're tired enough it's like being drunk. Maybe I should have put that at the beginning of the post. Maybe all of this would have made more sense. I said maybe a lot tonight. Does that mean everything I've written should be ignored or cast aside as pure and unfounded speculation? Eh, maybe.