Flannel and Sheep Guts

I discovered today that it is decidedly difficult to take someone seriously who is wearing pajama pants. Yes, I was the one wearing pajama pants. But that really shouldn't change anything because there aren't many people left that still take me seriously, and they will learn.

I love my pajama pants. I have a few pairs, actually. I think my favorites are my red plaid pajama pants, then the ones that have moosen (in the woodsen) all over them, and then my blue plaid/pinstripe.

It's really a strange thing, though. You can take any normal outfit that would be suitable for casual wear and just substitute pajama bottoms for regular pants and suddenly you are brazenly and insultingly casual. I went to visit some friends tonight and I decided to wear pajama bottoms. It's Sunday. They're good friends. I was comfortable. Still, upon opening the door my friend immediately looked at my pajamas and gave me one of those "oh boy" looks. I thought, "Come on! They're still pants! You should be happy I'm wearing any at all!"

There are two major types of pajama decoration. One is to have small cute furry animals or dump trucks or dump trucks running over cute furry animals, and the other is plaid. It's like, either way they have to loudly declare "Hey! We're not real pants!" Just in case you were wondering. That way people can immediately identify you as a slob from across the grocery store and scowl at you while shielding their young.

I blame the Scottish. Bear with me here. Have you ever noticed that a strikingly large percentage of pajama bottoms are plaid? It's true! Scottish people must be lazy slobs. They have to be. Why else would pajama pants be so closely tied with the image of laziness? If you want further proof just remember--they invented golf--statistically the number one enemy of corporate efficiency. And who else could have made haggis?

"What's fer dinner, lassie?"

"Uhh, sheep guts.... and oatmeal."

"All out'uh supplies 'an too tired t'go t'market again?"

"Aye."

Then again, I think some people just have pajama envy. They look at you and long for comfortable pajamas and a steaming cup of hot cocoa. The realization that such comfort is so far from reach is a slap in the face and makes them so agitated that they have no choice but to take it out on you. I know. The world can be so cruel sometimes. Just remember: Love is a highway, baby.

Oh and just in case anyone is taking me even remotely seriously right now, you should know: I'm wearing pajamas.