The guide is intended for those who have very little experience, so it is designed to gently and gradually lead the user to increasing levels of evil. Here now, I present it for all of my faithful readers to enjoy.
How To Become An Evil Genius In 12 Easy Steps
1. Call in sick for work. (note: only works if you are not actually sick)
2. Don't pay a parking ticket. (Step 1.9: Park in a handicapped space - no, two handicapped spaces at the same time)
3. Say a dirty word to someone you dislike.
4. Forward tons of chain emails to everyone you know. Repeat daily.
5. Learn to play the bagpipes, poorly.
6. Get a scar on your face.
7. Scowl at everybody, all the time.
8. Buy some kittens and some thick-soled leather boots. You know what to do.
9. Devise a plan for world domination.
10. Punch a baby.
11. Design and build a Doomsday Device.
12. Go to law school.
4 comments:
But Matt, not paying a parking ticket means I would first have to get a parking ticket... you see the problem...
Also, can one become an evil genius simply by skipping straight to number 12, or must all the steps be completed in sequential order for true evilness to take root?
No, you can't just skip to number 12. I actually copied the list straight from the fine print on the back of an application to Harvard Law School, so you really have no choice in the matter. I mean, honestly - how do you think Judge Judy got to be like she is?
Hmmm... In that case, step 1.5 for Erin: Devise a plan for acquiring a parking ticket.
I can do this... I can do this...
I think "Live life like you're playing GTA 3" should be in there. NOTE: THIS one only works if you actually play GTA 3 like you're supposed to: picking up prostitutes, shooting little kids and THEN taking their candy, and helping an old lady to cross the street..., right in front of a cement truck. For those who have trouble with the earlier steps of evil, you could add: Watch a PG rated movie (oh no!), get a Facebook account (if you're more advanced in evil, you could get a myspace account), or as the least amount of evil i could conjure: steal a ketchup packet from McDonalds.
Post a Comment