Keeping Your Word: Part 1

If Satan were an enterprising fellow and Hell had its own corporation, all Internet Service Providers would be wholly owned subsidiaries.

This is the tale of two Comcasts, told in two parts.

I say "two  Comcasts", but truthfully this tragic tale tells of two different companies, both seemingly determined to outdo the other in vying for the title of worst customer service ever. Until now, I had assumed that no one could compete with Comcast in this arena. I wrote my undergrad thesis on the future of commercial telecomm, specifically taking time to analyze Comcast's legendary public failures in customer service.

Comcast, Centurylink has just thrown down the gauntlet.

Part 1

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Thank you for using CenturyLink.com. A CenturyLink Sales and Service Consultant will be with you in just a moment. Your account information is confidential and protected by law. Advise our agent if you prefer that we don't use it to market products or repair your services. This has no

effect on the service or offers we provide you. CenturyLink offers a bill block at no charge which prevents some 3rd party charges from appearing on your bill. This chat may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance.

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All CenturyLink Sales and Service Consultants are currently assisting others. You are currently number 1 in queue. Thank you for holding, and we will answer your chat in the order it was received.

Thank you for contacting CenturyLink. My name is Jeff J. (20850). How may I help you today?

Jeff J. (20850): Hello Mathew, how are you today?
Matthew Simons: Hi, I'm good thanks.
Jeff J. (20850): Great to hear. What can I do for you today?
Matthew Simons: My wife set up our account earlier this month and I'm going through making sure all our bills are paid. I'm not sure what my login credentials are.
Matthew Simons: I know that our account email is ########@qwest.com but that's about it.
Matthew Simons: sorry, @qwest.net*
Jeff J. (20850): Can I have your account number please?
Matthew Simons: I'm sorry, I don't know it.
Jeff J. (20850): Do you have your billing telephone number?
Jeff J. (20850): I have not heard from you for a couple of minutes. Do you still need me to keep this chat conversation open for you?
Matthew Simons: I'm sorry, I didn't see that the chat had updated
Matthew Simons: it's either going to be my number or my wife's, so my number is ###-###-####
Matthew Simons: my wife's is ###-###-####
Jeff J. (20850): I will be right with you.
Matthew Simons: ok great
Jeff J. (20850): Just to verify that I am speaking with a responsible party on this account, please provide me with your entire billing address, along with either the last four digits of the account holder's SSN or three digit account code.
Matthew Simons: I wouldn't have the account code
Matthew Simons: the billing address is #### pleasant grove, Utah 84062
Matthew Simons: give me a sec on the ssn, it'll be my wife's
Jeff J. (20850): No prolem.
Matthew Simons: How late are you guys open? I may need to do this later when she's not working and can respond to my texts.
Jeff J. (20850): We are open until midnight Central Time.
Matthew Simons: if it's under my social the last four are ####, but my guess is she put it under hers
Jeff J. (20850): I am sorry, but that is not the SSN we have on file.
Matthew Simons: no prob, going to look through files
Jeff J. (20850): No problem.
Matthew Simons: ####
Matthew Simons: ####*
Matthew Simons: She also probably put it on our visa ending in ####, if that helps for verification purposes
Jeff J. (20850): Thank you.
Jeff J. (20850): Before I can assist you further with your MyAccount I will need your security code.
Matthew Simons: Where would I find that?
Matthew Simons: truthfully, if it's not somewhere that I can access online I don't have it, my wife won't have it, and we will never ever have it.
Matthew Simons: [censored], I just want to pay my bill.
Jeff J. (20850): This will beo no your bill in the upper corner or in the green box.
Matthew Simons: we just got set up, we haven't gotten our first bill yet
Matthew Simons: we've only had service for 2 weeks
Matthew Simons: I want to set up online account access so that you can email me my bills and I can pay them online
Jeff J. (20850): Do you have your welcome letter or confirmation email?
Matthew Simons: the email gives my account number only, the welcome letter is in the trash, gone
Matthew Simons: ##########
Matthew Simons: is the account number
Jeff J. (20850): i understand. If you are unable to locate the security code I can have it sent to you via US mail to your billing address.
Matthew Simons: so I've now provided account number, email address, full mailing address, last four of social, name of the primary account holder, phone number on the account, along with card type and last four digits of the credit card on file, and you can't verify my access?
Matthew Simons: what the actual [censored]?
Jeff J. (20850): I would appreciate it if you did not use inappropriate language. If you continue to do so, this chat session will end.
Matthew Simons: Jeff, what more do you need from me?
Matthew Simons: This is beyond ridiculous, and this chat transcript is absolutely hitting my blog unless someone reasonable gets in contact with me.
Jeff J. (20850): I will need the security code before I can get you logged in to see your past bills. You can still make a payment with our QuickPay option by logging in with your account number and zip code.
Matthew Simons: What I'm finding out now is that our online account access credentials haven't been created yet. You couldn't tell me that?
Matthew Simons: Your set up account link is pointing me to sorry.qwest.com
Matthew Simons: what's going on?
Jeff J. (20850): I am not sure, did you go to www.centurylink.com?
Matthew Simons: /facepalm
Matthew Simons: yes
Matthew Simons: I went to www.centurylink.com and clicked on "Set up My Account" on the left of the sign in button
Jeff J. (20850): I understand. To set up your MyAccount you would need your security code. To payment you would need to click on the Quickpay option.
Matthew Simons: Is your call back system down?
Matthew Simons: for the security code
Jeff J. (20850): You would need to have a phone line for the automated phone call with your security code can be sent. I can have it sent to you via US maill.
Matthew Simons: ffs
Matthew Simons: it only dials land lines?
Matthew Simons: and you're a telecomm company?
Matthew Simons: Do you know how bad this chat makes your company look?
Matthew Simons: You could go take out a mortgage with the ID verification information I just gave you, but I can't log in to set up my ebilling.
Matthew Simons: I'm done. Saving this chat and going home. Have a manager call me at ###-###-#### within the next two hours or I'm posting this transcript, edited of course for personal information.
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That was two hours ago.