My previous post takes place chronologically well after a long and frustrating battle with the One and Only Comcast.
The following is the beginning of a blog post that I began to write, and then agreed not to finish and publish after the executive escalations rep conceded to a refund of about $300 that I am due because of billing mistakes and promises broken. As of today, my account is still open with Comcast and I was billed for the account 5 days ago. It is unlikely that I will see the promised refund, as it is clear that as of yet no fulfillment on the part of Comcast has taken place.
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Today is day 5.
The following is the beginning of a blog post that I began to write, and then agreed not to finish and publish after the executive escalations rep conceded to a refund of about $300 that I am due because of billing mistakes and promises broken. As of today, my account is still open with Comcast and I was billed for the account 5 days ago. It is unlikely that I will see the promised refund, as it is clear that as of yet no fulfillment on the part of Comcast has taken place.
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Today is day 5.
My phone tells me that it is a Wednesday. It is my only link to civilization, and I cling to it like the lifeline it has become.
My phone has become my life raft. It is my only link to the outside world. For five days I have been adrift in a shapeless void. Food, water, shelter, even companionship--nothing can give adequate comfort as I slowly waste away in the absence of a persistent, broadband internet connection.
"CURSE YOU, COMCAST!!" I weakly shout, shaking my first in the air. I am surrounded by boxes, furiously typing on the inadequate keyboard of my phone from my fetal position on the floor of my new apartment.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way, but I took a gamble. I gave too much credit where it was least due, and put all my money a horse with a proven track record for throwing the race...
**queue the wavy lines and flashback sequence music**
Day 1: The Flop
Comcast Support: "I'm sorry, but it looks like the address that you are moving to is not in our database; however, your neighbors across the street have service, so we should just be able to update the database and get you moved over on your move-in date. Here is your ticket number ######. Call back if you haven't heard from us in a few days."
Me: "I believe you, and I can't wait to continue our mutually beneficial relationship at my new address!"
Me: "I believe you, and I can't wait to continue our mutually beneficial relationship at my new address!"
Day 4: The Turn
Comcast Support: "Huh... It looks like that ticket was closed. Oh OK, we assigned it out to a local company. We have no way of tracking it now, but they will call you. We promise."
Me: "I feel confused, and I'm not entirely certain that you know what you're doing, yet I have no choice but to trust you."
Me: "I feel confused, and I'm not entirely certain that you know what you're doing, yet I have no choice but to trust you."
Day 7: The River
Support Rep 1: "I'm retarded. Talk to someone else."
Support Rep 2: "I, too, am retarded. Talk to someone else."
Support Rep 3: "Those guys were retarded. Your ticket was closed because they entered your address incorrectly on day 1, and support guy from day 4 was a complete idiot too. I've made a new ticket #####. You should hear from us eventually. Some day you will see your precious interwebs again."
Me: "....please.... please, just... I'm a broken man. I need internet. I *need* it. So badly.... I know! I know! Take my water! Can you do that? I'll trade you my water. You can just turn it off. I'll go for weeks without water, but I *need* my internet..."
Me: "....please.... please, just... I'm a broken man. I need internet. I *need* it. So badly.... I know! I know! Take my water! Can you do that? I'll trade you my water. You can just turn it off. I'll go for weeks without water, but I *need* my internet..."
It is now day 10 since I first called Comcast. I am deep into day 5 without internet access, reporting from behind enemy lines in a foreign country. I hope one day to return to civilization...
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As it turns out, it was a bad gamble giving Comcast a chance to get me connected, because ***three web-less weeks later*** they determined that in fact my address could not be serviced. The nearest cable box is two doors down (40 ft, give or take), and they refuse to connect me to it.
"Well why did you wait so long?" you ask. It's a fair question.
Pleasant Grove is not a podunk town, and our place is very near to the center of it. In an ideal world where broadband internet service is properly regulated like the utility that it truly is, one would expect that the options in my neighborhood would be either 1) abundant and competitive (assumes a functioning market where giant megacorps can't lobby their way into becoming local monopolies) or 2) limited, perhaps to one provider, but fair (in the regulated-as-a-utility model). We live in no such world.
Once Comcast wrote me off, I had two options for Internet.
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As it turns out, it was a bad gamble giving Comcast a chance to get me connected, because ***three web-less weeks later*** they determined that in fact my address could not be serviced. The nearest cable box is two doors down (40 ft, give or take), and they refuse to connect me to it.
"Well why did you wait so long?" you ask. It's a fair question.
Pleasant Grove is not a podunk town, and our place is very near to the center of it. In an ideal world where broadband internet service is properly regulated like the utility that it truly is, one would expect that the options in my neighborhood would be either 1) abundant and competitive (assumes a functioning market where giant megacorps can't lobby their way into becoming local monopolies) or 2) limited, perhaps to one provider, but fair (in the regulated-as-a-utility model). We live in no such world.
Once Comcast wrote me off, I had two options for Internet.
- Broadband Wifi - supposedly with speeds of up to 15 megabit, but from a company with slimy business practices including bandwidth caps, overcharges, and a connection technology so fragile that even a minor trickle of rain shuts you down completely.
- DSL at 3 Mbps.
Both options suck. We're in a basement apartment so tethered 4G isn't an option, fiber is nowhere to be found in Pleasant Grove, and Comcast is the only game in town for cable, thanks largely to a backroom deal between Comcast, Cox, and Time Warner where they agree not to intrude on each other's territories. I ended up going with #2, a choice which eventually prompted the first of these posts. My package with Comcast previously gave me 20 megabit down, 5 up. I felt that a difference of 17 megabit was worth giving them a chance.
The conclusion that all of my experiences with broadband providers have brought me to is not surprising: Comcast sucks. Centurylink sucks. My faith in humanity is deeply challenged by this blatant and completely unchecked exploitation of the masses by the institutions that sate our ever-growing need for information.
Well played, Satan.
