You see, when a girl calls you cute, you suddenly wear the same label as puppies, shoes, old people, little brothers, and every other guy that she will never kiss.
Truth: girls love jerks. Why do girls love jerks? Ask any girl what the most attractive quality in a man is, and more often than not you will get one word: confidence. And jerks have confidence in spades. Nothing says confidence like "I don't need you, or even really want you." And whether or not girls will ever admit to it, they gobble that stuff up--at least at first.
The contradiction comes here: girls are attracted to jerks, but they don't want them. Girls start dating a jerk thinking "He's so confident. Look at him sweep me off my feet in his strong, confident, uncaring arms." The inevitable then takes place days, weeks, months, or years later, when she comes to the sudden realization that all of that confidence stems from the fact that he is in fact a jerk. Cue the tubs of ice cream and phone calls to girlfriends and sypathetic nice guys whom she will never date that all sound like "He's such a jerk. He doesn't love me, doesn't care about me, doesn't treat me right, never does X or Y for me, etc. etc." And always, it ends with "Why can't I just date a nice guy for once?"
Because in truth, girls want nice guys, but more often than not, they are not attracted to them. Nice guys get called "cute", "nice", and "safe", only to get dragged behind girls who aren't interested in them, watching them go through every abusive, uncaring, mentally challenged jock and meathead that has sufficient mental and physical presence to obnoxiously proclaim "I will treat you like garbage."
These guys--these followers--they're suckers. Have I been there? Have I been a sucker? I have. Never again.
I've decided that there are only three kinds of guys that get girls. The first, are the truly nice guys who get incredibly lucky and find abnormally sane women who are actually attracted to nice guys. Empirical evidence collected by yours truly suggests that these are extremely rare and precious women.
The second kind are just plain jerks. Most jerks will eventually find someone to be with for an extended period of time. That's usually either because he's able to clean up his act and become a nice guy, or he cleans up his act long enough to make the woman feel like she's trapped in the relationship once he goes back to being a jerk.
The third kind of guy is the nice guy who doesn't get lucky, who is forced by circumstance to get smart. These are the nice guys in disguise. If you can't be a jerk, you can fake it. The biggest issue is knowing when to take off the jerk mask to reveal that you're actually a nice guy. Timing is everything.
So now you understand why it bothers me that I was called cute today.
It was like I was being accused of being a nice guy, and a nice guy I am not. I have a motorcycle. My inbox is littered with the remains of conversations with girls that I've taken out and never called back. I make fun of sparkly vampires and any movie where women wear gigantic skirts and use the word "betrothed." In fact, if a movie doesn't have zombies, war, a heist, or a wartime zombie heist, it will likely take considerable effort to convince me to even agree to being in the same room while it's playing. The stereo in my car has only one setting for volume: it's called whatever-I-set-it-at-and-I-will-slap-your-hand-away-if-you-try-to-touch-it. Also, the playlist is mine to control, and there is no way in hell I will ever disgrace my car by playing country, no matter how much you beg and plead and attempt to coerce me. I will make every attempt to forget your birthday, your parents' names, and everything you said on our first date. In fact, I'll probably forget our first date entirely. I'll take every chance I can to badmouth you to my friends, and get with all of yours.
So girls, all of that and more I will do if, when, and however I decide, because I'm a jerk--an obnoxious, uncaring, abusive jerk. At least, until you come to your senses and decide you want me to be a nice guy. I can do that too :)
1 comment:
Hahaha! You are a nice guy, you are just also a real man.
Oh! and the big secret is that a girl wants to CURE a jerk. She wants to be his one soft spot and she wants him to be a jerk BEFORE they start going out. Disinterestedness is dang sexy, but girls want you to then open up and ultimately change. She wants to tame you because then she is special compared to all the others you've met.
Sorry on our behalf, but that is the ugly truth.
AND don't forget those special circumstances when both people are awesome but are just inexplicably not attracted to each other ;)
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