And so it is in these times of economic and fashion-related uncertainty that we face the issues and prepare to select a new leader for our beloved country. Many candidates have been scrutinized and found wanting, leaving only two men to continue the race to the end and a wake of broken and defeated hopefuls behind them. The lines have been drawn and the final showdown is commencing.
We have explored and continue to explore each candidate very carefully. We want to know where they stand on key issues and what their plans are to make our country great and keep gas from hitting $34 a gallon. We want to know where these candidates stand on the war in Iraq, on immigration, and health care. And yet, I feel that in the midst of all the rhetoric and debating there is an issue which has been grossly overlooked. An issue which I feel is very important to all Americans and on which we should all place great emphasis. I want a President who will crack down on public breastfeeding.
I'm not proposing anything drastic. A small fine or maybe public humiliation would be good enough for me. I just don't want to see it. Honestly, who does? ...never mind that... I don't want to know. It's awkward!!!
To recap: I work in a restaurant. It's not a super amazingly high-class place, but it's nice. It rides the line between upper casual and fine dining. I can't tell you how many times I've seen women pull out that little blanket and throw it over their shoulders. Yes - thank you for using a blanket, but you've just created a swirling cloud of awkwardness around you and everyone near you in what's supposed to be a nice relaxing atmosphere.
I mean, what do you say to that? Nothing, obviously... I guess. It's just one of those situations that, from a waiter's perspective, you're not quite sure how to handle. Do you ignore it? Make a joke out if it?
"Oh hey looks like you picked up a parasite."
"Yeah I've heard that leeches are great for reducing swelling."
"So I'm not certain about this but I think there's something under that blanket that's eating you alive."
Most of the time you just don't even want to acknowledge what's going on. I've seen even the most outgoing people run from feeding mothers like frightened cattle. You don't even want to look near it, afraid that the mother will suddenly bare her teeth and growl to protect her young. "What do I do?" "Ummm.... ummm.... tune it out! Pretend like everything is fine and it will go away! It senses motion - just don't move and it won't know you're there!"
Yes, nature is beautiful - but it has it's place. Outside. With the hippies.
That is why I feel that this election year we should all be looking for a candidate who takes a strong stand on the issue of public breastfeeding.
We may be divided in many ways, but I think I speak for a unified America when I say, "Candidates, we want lower gas prices, a strong economy, and we want tough policies against mullets, public breastfeeding, and France."
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