My car needs a new rear shock absorber.
Boo.
Anyone who's ridden in my car recently (all 3 of them) will tell you that, when properly loaded with 300 lbs of computers and associated electronic goodies, 50 lbs of junk food, roughly half a ton of nerdy weekend escapists, and enough mountain dew to give a horse a heart attack, my car makes a sound that most people would describe to their mechanic as "kkrkrrrrrrhghghgghheeeeegheghghggrrrrrkk."
That's usually the point at which your mechanic smiles and says "that's car speak for $600." Then for kicks and giggles, "But just to be sure, could you make that really stupid noise again? I don't think all the guys got to hear that."
Not me. No sir. I'm wise to the mechanic world. I once managed to infiltrate their ranks, and learned all of their secrets.
So I'm going to replace it myself. With the help of handy Mr. Internet, I was able to locate just the parts I needed and found them for a great price. Just to be sure, however, I decided it would be prudent to look at the shocks on my car and make sure they matched the ones I found online.
LED Flashlight, I choose you!!!
I always like to keep one of these things around. Cars are dark, scary places--especially underneath at 8 pm--and LED flashlights (especially those made for automotive use) are conveniently sized to get in and shine where their bulky big brothers fall short. Now, selecting a quality LED flashlight is important, so I made sure to turn mine around and look at it from all angles after picking it up from the display near the cash register. It was beautiful. I took one look and thought, "Baby, you had me from 'press here.'"
Sadly, it wasn't meant to last. The greatest strength of my beloved flashlight may yet prove to be its Achilles' Heel. It's tiny.
I usually keep it in my assorted box 'o tech goodies. This is like a geeky treasure trove that I keep hidden from the world in my closet. You know, I think I'm still kind of a closet geek, to be honest. Based on who's asking, my response to any question about my background with computers will range anywhere from "I dabble in them here and there" to "My (insert WoW character race/class) is so 1337 he totally pwns teh n00bs with wtfomgbbq sauce."
Ok, I probably wouldn't actually say the latter. Probably.
Back to my geeky treasure trove, I've got everything in there. Extra power cables, cat 5 cables, display cables, extra hard drives (possibly shot), extra optical drives (likely shot), old ram, an old graphics card, a 4 port router, a wireless card, headphones... you get the idea. Basically, anything I get my hands on that still works and can be placed into, on top of, around, or next to a computer, it goes in the box. Random assorted techie things can also find a home there. It comes in handy.
But the closet is dark, and the flashlight is tiny. So I was searching through my box when I realized "man, I could really use a flashlight." Then, overcome by the irony of the situation, I decided to pull the box out of the closet.
It was then that I discovered that my dear flashlight had left me.
I am a man in ruins.
Sadly, the ending to this story is unwritten. Like many a terrible blog posting, I have begun with nary an end in sight. Will the two star-crossed lovers be reunited? Will I ever be truly at one with my nerdy self? Will my car continue to plead with me for mercy? Will the world ever know how many licks it takes to get the center of a tootsie pop?
No, Mr. Owl. No it won't.
